Spinal Accord
by Adam Epp
Summary: Finally, Shinji gets a proper backbone! Unfortunately, he doesn't quite know what to do with it.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Neon __Genesis __Evangelion._

_"As man sows, so shall he reap. In works of fiction, such men are sometimes converted. More often, in real life, they do not change their natures until they are converted into dust."_

_Charles __W. __Chesnutt_

---

In a city that may or may not have been saved from destruction by three children, a boy between the ages of fourteen and seventeen was currently being an injustice to the name of man. Or, he was being ordered around by two women.

"Idiot, get me a juice box."

"Yes, Asuka."

"Shin-chan! You did the laundry today, didn't you?"

"Yes, Misato."

"Idiot! You still haven't gotten me that juice box!"

"I'm sorry, Asuka."

"Stop apologizing! That won't get me my juice any faster! Mein Gott, you can be so stupid, sometimes...all the time!"

"Sorry."

"Just go!"

The young lad jumped, and hurried to the refrigerator to retrieve her demands.

"Here you go, Asuka."

"Idiot! What the hell?! This is apple juice! I wanted orange juice!"

"Sorry..." apologized Shinji, once more. _Wait,_ he thought, _how __is __this __my __fault? __She __never __said __what __kind __she __wanted! __I __should...__I __should __stand __up __to __her __in __this __situation! _The boy gulped in preparation, and dared to defy the German Redheaded Devil. "...But, how was I supposed to know what kind to get? You never said that, As-"

A juice box flying into his temple interrupted him.

"Dummkopf! I _did_ say I wanted orange juice! You just weren't listening! Now, hurry up and go get it!"

Shinji clenched and unclenched his fist in frustration as apple juice stained its way down his regular, button-up white shirt. He _knew_ he shouldn't take this kind of abuse and that his friends would mock him if they heard of this, but..._I'm __so __pathetic, _Shinji concluded

"Yes, I'll get it for you...Asuka..." he let himself be trampled on.

_...Pathetic._

"Schnell!" barked the young lady.

While Shinji rummaged through Misato's beer fridge for orange juice, an epiphany hit him.

_I __just __need __a __spine!_

It was so simple, how could he not have thought of this sooner. Plus, they were so easy to get these days! Having one would solve all his troubles!

Shinji returned to the table and handed Asuka her goddamn orange juice, and suffered through the both ladies' needs the rest of the night without complaint...which was no different from how he always suffered through the evening. Anyways, just thinking about that spinal chord he'd be getting was enough to keep him at ease.

_Soon..._

Soon, Shinji would solidify his vertebrae and have his day. Yes, soon they would be the ones forced to fetch and perform other menial tasks.

_...Soon..._

That night, Shinji Ikari slept peacefully in dreams where he became the alpha male, the man people respected, the guy who got the ladies, the kind of person he had always wanted to be but never had been...a beast...

---

"...Shinji..." whined Asuka, obviously not a morning person, "is breakfast ready yet...?"

"Yes, Asuka," dully responded Shinji as he always did before school, "it's been ready for over half an hour. Sorry, but it might be a little cold now."

"...I don't care, just heat it up," yawned Asuka haughtily.

Shinji complied without a word, like he'd been these past two weeks since his great epiphany. Truly, it was easy to pretend to be "meek" when he knew that he'd be getting just what the doctor ordered any day now. Of course, neither Asuka nor Misato noticed a change in him yet, but they would!

_...Oh, __yes, __they __will. __Not __long __now... _he reflected as Asuka's breakfast warmed up in the microwave.

"Ahhhhhh! That _hit_ the spot!" an obnoxious sigh of relief that could only be Misato after downing a Yebisu came from direction of the table. How great it will be when Shinji no longer has to deal with that horrendous beer breath or that awful puke on the couch!

Then, whilst Misato unleashed a mighty belch and Asuka glared at Shinji for not being able to turn back time and make her food fresher, _it_ happened.

A nasally buzzing sound that had to be their shoddy doorbell screeched noisily, though it sounded like a chime from Heaven's Bells to Shinji's ears.

"Ach!" cursed Asuka, who couldn't stand loud sounds in the morning, "Shinji, what the hell..."

Her angry question directed towards her favorite target to direct angry questions trailed off once she noticed its intended recipient had vanished. You see, Shinji had darted towards the entranceway immediately after hearing the doorbell's peal he had waited so painfully for, and was now dealing with a grumpy mailman.

"You Shiniji Ikari?" grumbled the grumpy mailman.

"Actually, my name is..." began Shinji before remembering he had misspelled his name when he ordered this item. He had just been that excited. "Ah, yes, I am Shinji-, ah, Shiniji Ikari."

"Whatever, kid, just sign here so I can get the hell outta here," grouched the unhappy man, holding out a pen and a receipt for the skinny teen.

Really, this mailman could care less about who he gave packages to or what he delivered to people. He wouldn't give a damn if he sent someone a bomb, if he wasn't worried about his boss figuring out he did it and firing him if he ever did. That mailman had always wanted to be a milkman and was eternally upset he never landed his dream job.

In trepidation, Shinji fumbled for the pen and promptly dropped it. Embarrassed, he picked it up, the grumpy mailman frowning at him the whole time, and proceeded to scrawl his name on the dotted line. Secretly, Shinji was proud that his signature was legible despite his hand shaking so much as he scribbled it.

"'Bout time," snarled the mailman maliciously. He couldn't help himself. It just wasn't his day; he woke up to discover his girlfriend gone and a note saying she never wanted to see him again because he was constantly grumpy. "Enjoy your package, thank you for using Can Japan Air Delivery Service, have a nice day, see you in hell. Later."

And the disgruntled mail carrier slammed the door in Shinji's face.

Normally, the angsty adolescent would have been seriously troubled by the rude display and mulled over it for about a week, but he was distracted at the moment by something far more important.

He had _it_ in his hands.

_Yes. __Yes. __Yes. __Yes. __Yes. __Yes. _His thoughts were surprisingly simple as he dashed into his room and carefully shut the door, while his heartbeat became erratic and his breathing resembled someone having a seizure. _Yes. __Yes. __Yes. __Yes. __Yes._ Shinji's hands twitched furiously in anticipation, but that didn't slow down him ripping the brown wrapping off the package in the slightest. _Yes. __Yes. __Yes. __Yes. _There. _It _really was what he thought _it _was. _Yes. Yes. Yes! _Saliva slipped out the side of Shinji's mouth.

The Takeda Pharmaceutical Corporation's "Orthopedic Spinal Adjustment Brace."

Just seeing those words on the box nearly caused a drooling Shinji to hyperventilate. With _it_ so close in his reach, the wait was now excruciating and Shinji tore the box open and pulled out the prize he desired so much. In spite of his excitement, though, he froze when his eyes first gazed upon it.

It was beautiful.

The brace was a long, black, solid (yet, flexible) chord with small pieces of shining steel protruding on either at fixed intervals to match where his vertebrae would be. Thin, pointed needles poked out of the little steel squares that were supposed to attach the brace to his backbone. Fortunately, the Takeda Pharmaceutical Corporation supplied a complimentary Tylenol for the "slight" ache the needles would cause when they dug their way into the skin around his spinal column, so Shinji wouldn't have to worry about that.

It had been exceedingly difficult measuring the distance between each bone on his back for this special, custom order, but Shinji assumed it would be well worth the effort.

Distantly, Shinji took his eyes off the relic which would change his life and flipped through the instruction book to learn how the hell he was supposed to graft this thing on to his back.

"..._The __Takeda __Pharmaceutical __Co. __is __pleased __you __have __chosen __us __to __fix __your __back__-__related __problems. __On __a __precautionary __note, __we __would __like __to __stress __how __this __is __strictly __for __the __elderly __or __those __who __have __serious __spinal __column __problems __and __will __not..._Boring, boring, where's the part I need?" Shinji read the manual aloud absentmindedly. "Ah, here we go..._To __apply __the __Takeda __Pharmaceutical __Co.__'Orthopedic __Spinal __Adjustment __Brace__' __simply __hold __the __top __end __of __the __Spinal __Adjustment __Brace (__or __have __someone __do __it __for __you, in case you are paralyzed) __beneath __your __neck, __needle__-__side __facing _away _from __you, __and __the __Brace __will __do __the __rest __for __you __automatically! __You __will __feel __a __slight __tingle __as __the __needles...__"_

All right. Shinji knew what he had to do. Quickly, he threw off his shirt and got ready to become a new man. Muscles indicative of a life of little to no exercise were revealed with his torso open to the air, as well as bones that actually did appear frail.

_I __will __never __have __to __run __away __again_..._but, __in __case __I __do, __this __new __back __will __make __it that __much __easier __for __me._

Contrast to his earlier shakiness, his hands were completely still when he picked up the brace and placed it in the instructed area, needle-side up.

Then, he just had to wait...and wait some more. How long was this supposed to take again?

Just when Shinji was about to take another gander at the instruction booklet, the spikes for his top vertebrae went through the steel boxes of the brace and split open his back. Agonizing pain jolted from where they broke open his skin and, before Shinji could scream, the needles for his next-lower vertebrae descended into his flesh. Thereafter, Shinji became winded and his mouth shrieked soundlessly as each part of his spine was subjected to sharp objects in subsequently more painful order. Blood that Shinji could not see spilled down his back while he curled up on the floor in stinging agony, knocking over boxes and all sorts of things in his room and twitching whenever new needles were introduced to his body.

But, it was soon over, though Shinji's sobs after his breath came back remained. The pain eventually subsided and he swallowed the free pill, courtesy of Takeda Pharmaceutical Co. Hey, it really did make Shinji feel better as advertised.

Much better. In fact, he felt great now! Shinji wiped the tears from his face, got his shirt back on, and stood up straight.

Straighter than he'd ever stood before in his life.

---

Outside of Shin-chan's Luxurious Suite, two ladies watched the door suspiciously, whispering to each other.

"What do you think he's doing?" gossiped Misato.

"Probably jerking off, thinking of Wondergirl! That pervert," hissed Asuka.

"Oh, jealous?" teased Misato with a smirk.

"W-what? No!" denied Asuka vehemently, perhaps too much so. "Why would I want him to love me?!"

"Who said anything about him loving you?" Misato delivered a crushing blow. At this point, the volume of their voices was a bit too loud to be deemed whispering.

To summarize how the lovely madams got here:

After eating their breakfast, both Asuka and Misato realized Shinji was no longer around when nobody put their plates away. Astounded and not certain of what they should do with their cutlery, they hunted down the only Y-chromosome in the house (excluding Pen Pen) and found a door mysteriously closed. For the past few minutes, they had been listening to strange noises and debating whether or not this boy needed therapy.

Which brings us back to the present conversation:

"Shut up!" shot back Asuka. She was huffing and puffing, and still clearly tired because what she was going to say next would have spelled certain doom to her. "Listen, there's no way I-"

The door flew open unexpectedly, ending Asuka and Misato's discussion in addition to startling them, and through that doorway stepped the new-and-vastly-improved Shinji Ikari.

Both Asuka and Misato scrambled to think of a reason for eavesdropping on him.

"Ah, hey, Shinji," Asuka was quicker, "we were just wondering where you left the laundry. I need my...my, uh, school uniform!"

"It's in the laundry basket, where it always is," replied Shinji, not making eye contact with Asuka and not seeming to notice her, or Misato's, existence. Furthermore, he had an odd grin on his face the whole time.

"Right," Asuka obviously knew that since she was wearing her school uniform. Whatever, her lie worked. "Oh, could you hurry up and make our bentos?"

That silly grin on Shinji's mug widened considerably and he uttered a single, lonesome syllable.

"No."

Just one word, but Asuka went silent. She couldn't believe it.

Meanwhile, Misato noticed an odd dripping sound and her eyeballs tried to jump out of their sockets when they saw what it was and the source.

"It's late so I'm off to school now," Shinji informed the ladies, "bye."

A stunned Asuka and Misato watched Shinji turn his back to them and head out the door. A room that had never been more quiet was left behind in his wake, as Asuka and Misato's minds worked out what they just witnessed. Pen Pen walked by to no applause.

"Did you see just see that?!" Asuka cut through the silence first.

"Yeah, and it was unbelievable!" Misato piped in.

Asuka balled her fists in fury. "Still, I can't believe he _really_ was wanking it to that...that doll!"

"Yeah!" agreed Misato, "it was-wait, what did you just say?!"

"Verdammt! I'm so pissed off at that pervert!" seethed the German, "I never thought that's what he really was like, but that dumb smile on his face completely gave him away!"

"What?" Misato was confused, "Didn't you see all that blood running down his back!? Aren't you anxious about that?!"

"Oh, there _will_ be blood by the time I'm done with him," fiercely declared a red-in-face-and-hair Asuka. Reason or logic was now beyond her. "Mark my words."

"Look at that trail of blood!" yelled Misato, pointing at the path of crimson ruining their carpet, "I know you like him, so aren't you a teensy bit worried?! I am! I think he tried to kill himself, and that he'll try again soon!"

"Heh, he'll wish he killed himself after I'm finished with that idiot," Asuka ignored everything Misato just said while slipping her shoes on.

Sniffing the air like a fox, Asuka opened the front door with a hunter's grace and set upon her mission as a panther.

"Wait, Asuka, he needs help!" desperately tried and cried Misato, but she was not in time.

With a look that could and probably would kill, Asuka Langley Soryu had already left.

---

Meanwhile, Shinji was still elated from his victory over Asuka and the world.

He walked through Tokyo-3 with a sense of purpose in each step and replayed the scene when he denied Asuka's quest for a bento in his mind endlessly. _That'__s__ right,__ Asuka, __I'__m __never __going __to __make __your __lunch __ever __again! _The very pleasing notion made him laugh out loud. Of course, it meant he had to do without one for himself, but who cared about that? Not manly-back man Shinji, that's for sure. Besides, the cafeteria food couldn't be that bad if Touji had it every day.

Concerning Shinji's newly aligned spinal structure, it had never been better. At first, the thin spikes of metal in his skin felt uncomfortable, but they had settled in quite nicely. His posture had never been better and the teen couldn't wait to find out how many sit-ups he could crunch out now; for certain, his old record of five was in for one nasty surprise.

Giddily, Shinji went through downtown Tokyo-3 saying hello to people for no reason. Some slowly returned the greeting while most pretended not to hear him. Others gasped in surprise when they saw red on his back. Shinji assumed they were shocked by his superior anterior.

Eventually, about halfway to his school, he came across a couple in their mid-twenties. One was a man with a five-o'clock shadow wearing a rumpled suit with a hairline just beginning to recede. From the panicked expression he wore, it seemed a lot of hair was going to fall off that scalp by the end of the day. Laying down on a bench the man stood by was a large-bellied woman whose flowing black locks typically looked less like Medusa's hair, but she couldn't have cared less about that right now.

"Oh, thank God!" the man approached Shinji and took his hand, "you've got to lend me some money!"

_Beggars!_ Shinji figured out what these people were. In days of old a number of sticky fingers belonging to the crust of society had picked apart Shinji's wallet, but that ended today. _I'__m __not __giving __up __a __single __cent __to t__hose __without __jobs __anymore!_

"Sorry, can't do that," boasted Shinji with a pride approaching arrogance.

"What? Why not?!" moaned the poor man, "Listen, I just need a quarter for the payphone! I'll even give it back to you!"

"I said that I can't do that," repeated Shinji.

He figured this guy must have had some scam going on. _First __it'__s __a __quarter, __then __it'__s __a __dollar, __and __before __I __know __it __this __guy __will __want __my __left __kidney._

"Please, you have to give me a quarter!" begged the man, "Can't you see that my wife is in labour! Her water broke and she's having contractions right now! We need to call an ambulance...or taxi, or anything! Please!"

For added affect, the woman on the bench grunted in pain and grabbed her heavy, clearly pregnant belly. She breathed in and out laboriously all the while.

Shinji snorted. _So __that'__s __how __they __trick __people __out __of __hard__-__earned __cash these days. _Not that Shinji had worked a minute for the money he had on him currently. _I __might __have __believed __them, __too, __back __in __the __ol' __days __but __you __have __to __work __harder than that __to __fool __Shinji __now._ He puffed up his chest to show off his enhanced spinal capabilities.

"Okay, your wife might be...in labour," Shinji laughed at that. He could tell the woman was faking it. "But I have to go to school so I can work towards getting a real job. You know, so I don't have to beg like you do. Bye."

And so, Shinji turned away from the man with the very pregnant wife and continued his personal odyssey as a man with backbone. The man stared at him as Shinji left, disbelief painting his face white; he had always thought that kids weren't as nice as he was as a teenager, but this was ridiculous.

---

A few blocks behind, Asuka prowled the streets of Tokyo-3. People backed away in fear as she approached, making it quite easy for her to catch up to Shinji. Every now and then she would command random people to tell her if they'd seen an average-looking teenager with a stupid face, but none seemed willing to answer her. That just pissed her off.

Finally, she found two people that didn't run away when she got closer to them. In fact, one of them ran over to her.

"Oh, what a relief! After that first young man, I-"

"Young man?" rudely interrupted Asuka. Jackpot. "Was it a stupid, idiotic, piss-brained teenager wearing a boring white shirt and black pants with short hair?! Did I mention how much I hate him, because I really hate him."

"Ah, yes, but more importantly, I need-"

But Asuka didn't let him finish. "Wunderbar. Now, tell me which way that bastard went!"

"That way," the man pointed, not caring what happened to the jerk, "but you must-"

"Thanks," not that Asuka looked grateful in the least, "auf Wiedersehen."

And off she went on her way.

The man stood still for a minute, accompanied only by his poor wife's moaning and groaning.

"What the hell is with these damn kids?!" he screamed, "Why can't they just give me a quarter?! My child's first memory is going to be smashing headfirst into a sidewalk at this rate!"

"...Dear..." his wife grunted at him between fierce contractions. It was enough to steel the man's resolve.

"That's it! I'm going to carry you to that hospital myself!" he pronounced, "Our baby's going to be born the normal way and we're going to raise him or her to be better than those damn teens that wouldn't help us!"

"...Dear..."

He wasn't sure if his wife had tears in her eyes because she was proud of him or if it was due to the baby kicking in her womb, but they were there. That's all that mattered to this poor husband, and he had to do something about them.

And the man lived up to his bold words and carried his wife to the hospital, which was only two blocks away.

---

Back to Shinji, he had managed to make it to school without running into Asuka. It should be noted that he was not avoiding the Red Devil and was anxious to confront her with his new spine. Moreover, Shinji had plans of posting some new rules for her and Misato on the fridge when he got home. But he was in class now and had to show off his cool vertebrae to his fellow students.

Currently, he was somewhat disappointed nobody noticed him strutting through the halls. It was like the student body only cared about themselves and not others. _How __self-centered __of __them_, he had thought. Even his friends, Touji and Kensuke, just gave him odd looks after he demonstrated his new and superior posture when sitting.

How could he prove he had vertebrae worth bragging about now so he could brag about it?

Then, the answer came to him in the form of an email moments before first period. A positively naught electronic message from Kensuke of the sort he usually deleted without opening. _Oh __yes, __doing __this __will __show __them __how __much __of __a __man __I __am __now._ Snickering, Shinji clicked on the email in his inbox and welcomed himself to the lewd world of pornography.

Let's just say Shinji wasn't entirely prepared for it yet.

After accepting the link, it did not take long for his eyes to widen. _Oh __my __god..._Breasts, boobs, hooters, nipples, titties, melons, butts, asses and all the curves a man could ever want to see, Shinji could see them right now and then some. _Whoa! __What's __that __guy __doing __behind __her?!_ A particularly obscene image burned its way into his mind and his brain worked quickly to process it. _Oh...Ohh, now I get it. _He didn't, really. _Wait, whoa! Shit, is that girl...?! Ugh, that's gross! A...a dog?!_

Unbeknownst to Shinji, Kensuke and Touji were laughing their asses off at his expense. They kept on sending him these emails in hope that he'd be dumb enough to look at them in class, and he finally did it. To top it off, they received an even better treat when they realized this had to be the first time Shinji had looked at this kind of stuff.

And they had sent Shinji the nastiest, crustiest, foulest, most revolting pictures they could find. Gangbangs, scatology, bestiality, and worse was currently on display on his monitor. It's no surprise that Shinji felt a nauseous pressure climbing up his esophagus. _No, __I __must'nt __run __away, _he reminded himself after a particularly waxy and violent image forced his squeamish eyes shut. _I __must __become __a __man __and __look._

However, it did not take long for Shinji's new adventure to come to an abrupt halt. Between his frequent gagging and Touji's loud guffaws, somebody was bound to notice something strange. Specifically, the class representative, Hikari Horaki, came over to investigate.

What she saw when she arrived before Shinji's desk was a sweating, shivering, shaking shell of a boy fixated on his screen. In the background Touji and Kensuke's ribs ruptured when they noticed he was about to get busted, but Hikari shut them up with a glare. Then, she turned her head around to see what was on Shinji's monitor.

A nude woman bent over and about to be...

"Oh my god!" she shrieked, "Ikari, w-what...what on Earth are you...you pervert!"

The pervert in question jolted backwards in his seat, smashing his back into the front of the desk behind him. A snapping sound was heard, or would have been if Shinji wasn't so busy defending himself.

"N-no! It's not what it looks like!" he protested, though it was exactly what it looked like.

"You're lucky you're my friend, or I'd report you!" she threatened. Hikari was actually more upset than she should be, since she had always believed Shinji was _pure _and it hurt to have your beliefs dashed. "Oh, wait until Asuka hears about this!"

_Asuka._

The very name sent fear down his spine before Shinji could remind himself she should fear him and his new spine. _Right, __she __has __no __advantage __over __me, __now._

"Hears about what?"

Speak of the devil and there he...err, she is.

"Uh, nothing, Asuka," quickly sidestepped Hikari. Though she had told Shinji she'd tattle on him to Asuka, the girl had not really meant it; Hikari didn't want Shinji to get seriously hurt.

Regardless of Hikari's intentions, the redhead was steamed. She still hadn't cooled down from the morning and it entertained Shinji very much to see Asuka so.

_Ha! _he giggled. _She __must __be __upset __because __I __didn't __make __her __lunch. _If his arms had been long enough, Shinji would have petted his spinal brace like a pet. _Oh, __this __is __great!_

"Quick, close those windows before she gets here!" Hikari hissed in the boy's ear, who appeared to her to have gone insane.

_Oh_. And he did so in the nick of time before. Not that doing so changed the fact that Asuka was going to deck him one, because seeing Hikari whispering in his ear infuriated her.

But, the homeroom teacher chose this moment to step into the classroom, effectively halting all the chaos.

For now.

---

Pen Pen felt a little tipsy, as he often did after having a few with Misato. Alas, he needed more beer but his drinking partner abruptly stood up and was now doing something strange after having way more to drink than he did.

_Just __what __is __she __doing?_ the warm water penguin would have thought if he could think in a human language, which he definitely could not.

Misato started drinking right after Asuka went out the door and she hadn't slowed down in the two or three hours since then. Frequently, she would cry out her anger at the world for taking Shinji from her, and she couldn't figure out how to save the boy until Pen Pen warked at her in fear.

"Come on, pick up a'righty!" slurred Misato into the telephone.

It should be pointed out that Misato had tried dialling several phone numbers prior to this, but only managed to get it right this time.

"Da' Shin-chan needs help! Picket up!"

The phone on the other end rang once more, and was, uh, finally picked up after three rings.

"Hello!" a cheerful young woman greeted from the other line. Had to have been a blonde. "Thank you for calling 'Stop Them Kids From Killing Themselves Help Line!' How can I help you not kill yourself today? Tee hee!"

"Great! I nee's help now!"

"Of course! That's why you called, hee hee! Now, _how_ can I help?"

"You's gotta shave Shin-shan!"

"I certainly will! Is Shinshan your name, Miss?"

"No! Shi-chan's duh one withs da problem!"

"Oh, so is that what you call your drinking problem, Miss? It's okay to give it a name, though this is the first time I've heard someone do that, personally...tee hee!"

"Lissen, bitch!" Misato didn't like this whore ignoring her Shinji and invading her personal life, "I ain't gots noes drinkin' probabil-problem...is!"

"Now, Miss!" the charitable woman on the other end suddenly became stern. Well, as stern as an annoyingly cheerful woman like her could get. "The first step to getting over your drinking problem is admitting _you_ have a problem! So, please do that before you guzzle yourself to a horribly painful and disgustingly messy death that will ruin your family's day! Hee hee!"

"No, rally! Shanchin's a boy and he's been hurting himself alot, an' I thank he's gonna hur' hiself sammore!"

"Oh my! You must be really hammered if you're calling yourself a boy now, hee hee! But you're still not admitting that _you__-__have__-__a__-__drinking__-__problem!_ Now, I want you to shout it loud and clear for all the neighbours to hear!"

"But Sanji-"

"No buts, Miss! I'm not going to let you hurt yourself one minute longer! We're getting you over your problem and saving your life today! I'm not going to lose another one to the bottle!"

"...Uh, I h-ha...This is...hard..."

"No, you're doing great! Come on, I know you can do it!"

"...I-I have a...d-d-d..."

"You're almost there, you can do it!" the woman encouraged Misato.

"I h-has a d-drinking p-p-p-"

"Yes? Yes?"

"I have a d-drinkin' p-problem an' I'm drunka den a skunk righ' now!" Misato finally admitted it in a rush and burst into tears.

"Aww, was that really so tough?" sweetly asked the woman as if she was talking to a baby, "Don't you feel better now?"

"...Yeah," sobbed Misato a bit guiltily, "I'm such a terribidible p-person for not s-s-saying s-so s-s-sooner!"

"There, there," comforted the woman, "you're not a terrible person at all! You just made some terrible mistakes. Now, tell me all about your problems. I'm a good listener and I won't judge you. Hee hee, you definitely won't want to kill yourself after talking to me! I'm the best!"

"O-okay," Misato was beginning to love this understanding woman for being so...so understanding. She wiped her tears away and thought back to the very beginning. "Uh, f-first I..."

---

The school day passed by relatively peacefully until lunchtime.

Asuka scowled at Shinji, Rei, Hikari, and any girl, for that matter, that Shinji looked at but was too smart to do anything during class. Hikari received some rather steamed looks as Asuka felt her friend betrayed her before she thought about why she felt so betrayed. After that, the Second Child focused her anger on Shinji instead. The way it should be. Rei...well, Wondergirl was an enigma that simply stared out the window all day, but that didn't stop Asuka from giving her the evil eye. The lecture, homework assignments, and anything relevant to school was ignored by Asuka, though that's nothing new.

So the morning went by for the German.

When the bell for lunch signalled her to resume her hunt, Asuka set herself into motion by quickly ditching her regular lunch partner (Hikari) and stalking Shinji to the cafeteria. To her surprise, she felt a hole in her stomach so she figured she would start his new personal hell by beating food money out of him.

However, the Third Child kept on going when he got to the cafeteria. It seemed as if he had a different destination in mind. Nonetheless, Asuka continued to sneak around behind him.

She was most upset when her roommate finally stopped outside the school building and underneath a tree, where someone sat beneath a maze of branches.

The doll.

Dismayed, Asuka hid somewhere neither could see her in order to listen in to their conversation.

"Ayanami," Shinji stated her name with great importance.

"Yes, Ikari?" Well, Rei had never been known as a great conversationalist, either.

"There's something I want to tell you."

_That __he __wants __to __be __her __girlfriend, __I __bet_, grimaced Asuka.

"Yes, Ikari?"

"I..I, this is kind of embarrassing, but...I really want you to know how much I enjoy holding your hand," stammered Shinji. Actually, he had kind of done this before.

Not that Asuka knew that.

_So, __it's __true!_ she reasoned. _Is this some kind of Japanese code for "I want you to hold my p-pe...?!"_ The thought was too much for her. Oh, Asuka did not like this. _It __must __be! __I __knew __it!_

Rei and Shinji continued to talk with each other, but the one spying on them could no longer hear a word from them. Her desire to destroy the Third was gone, replaced with some odd emptiness. Only a need to get away from Shinji was left.

In that state, Asuka left Shinji and Rei alone.

---

"...how much I enjoy holding your hand."

For Shinji, the morning had been more pleasant than he could remember ever having one.

The classes breezed by nicely, despite some latent disgust for a few of the particularly foul photos Kensuke and Touji sent him, because he could constantly sense how much Asuka was bothered by him skipping out on her lunchbox.

Shinji was somewhat alarmed by his spinal brace feeling slightly out of place, and a voice inside him warned him that he was making a serious mistake with the German...but he didn't pay attention to any of this and spent his morning planning to defeat Asuka when she inevitably begged him for some cafeteria cash. His plan was to say "No" even more dramatically than he did after getting his new backbone. It worked before and he couldn't fail with a little help from the Takeda Pharmaceutical Corporation.

The noontime bell alerted Shinji that it was time to unleash all his designs on his former enslaver. Hurriedly, he rushed out of the classroom so he could deny her money before a full cafeteria. _Oh, __her __public __image __will __be __ruined. __She'll __be __forced __to __be __nicer __to __me __and __she'll __have __to __look __at __me __in __a __better __light, __and __she...__she, __she, __she?_ Wait, why was he focusing entirely on Asuka?

Yeah, that was weird. After all, there were plenty of people who thought he was a loser and he had a lot of work to do; he couldn't just improve one person's opinion of him. There was a whole world to revolutionize.

So Shinji didn't turn in to the cafeteria and sought to fulfil his new objective. It didn't take long for him to find Rei underneath a tree, and he decided to start things off by telling Rei the extent of how much he liked holding her hand. He wanted to fix any misunderstandings.

"...Haven't you told me this before, Ikari?" probed Rei, since she was fairly certain he had.

"Ah, yeah, but not why," clarified Shinji, "you see, Ayanami, holding your hand makes me think of my mother, and I really like remembering her."

"That's...interesting, Ikari," responded Rei, like all girls respond when they're not really interested.

"It is. But I really need to tell you how I never feel like doing more than holding your hand, and that if someday in the future we're holding hands again, I want you to know that I would feel uncomfortable if you put an arm on my shoulder or something else, and just holding hands would be the best thing for both of us," verbal diarrhea splattered out of Shinji's mouth. He had a pretty bad case of it. "So, I'm sorry."

_Yes, __I __have __become __a __smooth __talker __with __girls __since __getting __this __new __Orthodpedic __Spinal __Adjustment __Brace, _Shinji congratulated himself. _It's essential to have women know exactly what my intentions are, and I did a great job with Ayanami. I told her I liked holding her hand before and I don't want her misunderstanding that to be code for "I want you to hold my p-pe..." _Okay, Shinji still didn't have enough backbone to think of that. Moving on..._Or something like that. Ayanami will be able to rejoice in knowing she has a puritan friend like me to hold her hand, and that makes me feel great._

It was unfortunate for Rei that she couldn't get a piece of his cake, but Shinji was ready for any kind of disappointed reaction from her.

"You are being very..." Rei thought long and hard for the correct adjective, "odd, Ikari."

_Oh, __you __must __think __it's __strange __for __me __not __to __have __the __hots __for __you, Ayanami. __That's __too __bad._

"No, Ayanami," Shinji told her in dead seriousness, "this has always been my true nature."

"You've always been...odd?"

_Yes, __I've __never __really __wanted __to __jump __you...__even __though __I __did __once..._

"Yes."

"I see...I'm going to leave now, Ikari."

"Goodbye, Ayanami."

Rei got off her ass and walked away from school. It didn't really matter that she'd be absent from school that afternoon; the teachers were used to her presence not being present.

_I __know __it __must __be __tough __for __you __to learn I don't want you, __so __I __understand __your __decision __to __take __a __break __from __school, __Ayanami._ Still, something bothered Shinji about this. What if she hated him now? Should he have apologized to her more, so she could fully comprehend how sorry he was? What if she gets hit by bus because of him, distracted by the fact he didn't lust after her? Was he too much of a stud now for his own good? _No...__I __must __remain __steadfast. __I've __got good vertebrae __now __and __I __have __to __change __my __act._

His spinal brace squeaked and creaked quietly as he sped towards the cafeteria for a quick bite.

---

As for Rei, she had sped off to the commander to inform him of his son's strange activity.

_In NERV headquarters..._

"Odd, you say?" questioned Commander Ikari, always one to doubt.

"Yes, odd, I say," confirmed Rei.

"How odd?" ventured Ikari Senior.

"Very odd."

This did not fit well into his scenario. He needed his boy to be close to a mental breakdown, not having one.

"So, what do you believe I should do about this...oddity, Rei?"

"...I am not sure," confessed the clone, but one thing was clear to her, "I just do not want him to be near me again if he will continue to act his odd."

"I see," and the Commander posed menacingly with his hands folded in front of him, "Then it seems it is time for me to take personal care of these odd matters."

---

"So...is there anything deep behind a boy's words if he tells a girl he wants to hold her hand?"

"What?" Hikari spat her juice out. What?

"...No reason for me to ask this," quickly added Asuka, her face flushed.

Both were sitting on the school rooftop presently. Too ashamed to extort lunch money from Shinji, Asuka chose instead to mooch off her friend, Hikari. Apparently, Asuka had forgiven the Class Representative for speaking to Shinji this morning.

"Asuka, did Ikari ask if he could hold your hand?!" Hikari was not slow when it came to matters of romantic significance and the thought of those two hooking up sent her to Dreamy Land.

"No! He told that to-" blurted out the Second Child, before recovering herself.

"To someone else?" Oh, the plot thickened! "Who, Asuka?!"

"...Rei," Asuka came clean. She was caught and had no other alternative.

"No way!" For her part, Hikari acted like any good friend should in this situation. "How could he?! I always thought he kind of had a thing for you, since he always let you boss him around!"

"It doesn't matter," dismissed Asuka a bit too forcefully, "I don't care about that idiot, anyways."

"It does too matter!" challenged Hikari. Her passion awoke! "You can't let him do this to you! You have to stand your ground and fight for him!"

Something in Hikari's words, or maybe the way she spoke them rubbed off on Asuka.

"...Fight?"

"Yes," affirmed Hikari, "fight!"

That was enough. A fire was lit under her German friend.

"Scheisse! You know what, you're right!" burst out Asuka, her anger from the morning returning. Steel was her body, and fire was her blood. "I'm going to find that son of a bitch and kick his ass!"

"Yeah!" urged on Hikari, "Lay a wet one on h-huh?"

Perhaps Hikari's encouragement was too effective, she realized now. Too late, sadly.

"Danke, Hikari! You gave me just what I needed!"

"Uh, n-no. I didn't mean it that way, Asuka!"

"No need to be so humble. You should accept credit when it's due."

"Really, don't kill Ikari!"

"I won't," reassured Asuka solemnly, "that wouldn't hurt him enough."

"Ah, good...Wait...!"

"Now, I've got to think of the best way to take care of that bastard tonight so I need to jet. Tschuss!"

The Representative Cannon had launched the German Fireball and there was no stopping Asuka Langley Soryu this time.

---

Much to Shinji's bewilderment, Asuka did not appear at the cafeteria so he did not get the chance to force her to beg for his money. This disappointed him because he really wanted her to depend on him before a live audience, and the cogs in his noggin spun at maximum output to think of a logical reason for her not to harass him.

_Ah. _The answer was in plain sight. _Clearly, __she __must __still __be __reeling __from __my __"No" __this __morning. _Ho, just remembering that still made him chortle. _Yes, __she __knows __what I'm now capable of and it scares her!_

With this deduction fresh in his mind, Shinji was able to eat his bought lunch in serenity (it was pretty damn good for two bucks). Yes, it was even enough to carry him through his afternoon classes, in spite of the sheer heat of Asuka's rage sending a few of his classmates to the nurse's office. _Ha! __Now __she's __mad __that __she __chickened __out __and didn't __confront __me __at __lunch__time. __Sorry, __Asuka, __but __your __freedom __is __mine __now!_

Close, Shinji, but not quite.

Then, the bell that impairs with every student's ability to focus in the final period of the day let loose a voluminous squeal. Another day of education was done and accomplished without learning a single thing. Success!

And Asuka raced out of the classroom for some reason. Shinji assumed she did that because she feared him. Or did she hate him now? Whoa, that would not be a good thing. People fearing him, disliking him, pitying him and holding him in contempt was okay, but flat out loathing always lowered his self-esteem. _Nah, __she __can't. __I'm __too __macho __with __this __awesome __backbone __to __hate __now...__right? __Right._

Thus, a lonesome Shinji made a lonesome trip through a lonesome Tokyo-3 that afternoon. The emptiness was highly unusual. _Why __is __it __so __quiet suddenly? __It's __almost __as __if __somebody __cleared __out __the __whole city. __But __who __could __do __such __a __thing...?_

There, in the middle of the road, a tall middle-aged man stood in wait for the Third Child, leisurely pushing shining yellow sunglasses up the bridge of his nose. A beard so sharp it could cut glass distinguished his face, and his short black hair, reminiscent of Shinji's, wrestled with the wind. No, it couldn't be...

But it was.

"...F-father?!"

"Shinji!"

Gendou Ikari, the only man in Tokyo-3 that could vacate Tokyo-3 for a family squabble appeared!

"What are you doing here?!" the junior Ikari demanded to know, the power of his vocal chords surprising him. Well, his dad had bullied him before, but he'd had enough this time!

"I have heard some rumours of you I could not approve of, Shinji," vaguely answered the senior Ikari. They did not sound like good rumours.

_Could __it __be __he...? _Yes, of course. _Father __must __know __about __my __Orthopedic __Spinal __Adjustment __Brace! __What's the __matter, __old __man? __Don't __like __the __idea __of __the __son __surpassing __the __father? _Orthopedic Spinal Adjustment Brace or not, Shinji still did not have enough guts to say this aloud to his diabolic dad.

Instead, he tried something less snappy. "Yeah," Shinji put as much cockiness into his tone as he could, which wasn't much, "and they're all true."

"I see..." mused the family elder. He appeared to think a bit before his next line. "Then you leave me no choice!"

"Go ahead, d-do your worst!" bluffed Shinji, closing his eyes and flinching in anticipation of pain. He didn't really want his dad to do his worst because that guy could destroy entire countries with a snap of his fingers.

However, Commander Ikari did not summon any Section 2 agents to beat up Shinji or force him into a giant robot to save the world this time. No...it was worse...Much worse!

"You see, Shinji, there comes a time in every man's life when he must learn how to deal with women..."

Huh? _Was that a..._fatherly..._tone?!_

Shinji opened his eyes and relaxed his shoulders and stared at his dad. Was his father drunk?

"...and I'm going to tell you how not to make them think you are odd and how to make them love you," Gendou Ikari continued in a lecturing voice, "and then how to procreate with them once you have obtained their approval and affection..."

The Commander's son froze on the spot at these words; Shinji had heard myths about this kind of fatherly advice, but never in his life did he believe he'd ever be the recipient of one. To put it bluntly, he was now more terrified than he'd ever been in the past, and he'd fought scary monsters before.

Frightened, Shinji forgot about his empowering spinal brace and tried backing away in futility. It wasn't his fault that he couldn't move; no child could run away from a parent during one of these lectures, much as they may want to. Still, his back continued to try twisting his body away but the only result from that was a loud cracking sound of something breaking.

Meanwhile, Gendou Ikari continued to instruct Shinji Ikari on how to be a man. For the first and last time, he was a true father.

"...rub one hand against her thighs while using the other to stimulate her breasts--not forgetting to use your mouth to please her!-- is highly effective as foreplay, though simple. Certainly, your mother loved it..."

The Beast screamed in agony at the heart of the world.

---

Up ahead, Asuka had run into a supremely bizarre dilemma outside the door to the apartment she shared with Misato, Shinji, and Pen Pen.

Boxes blocked her entry. Boxes contained beer cans, of all things. Strangest of all, she poked one and discovered the cans of beer within it still contained, uh, beer.

"Was soll denn das?!"

This was a bit too much for Asuka to comprehend; she even forgot about ripping Shinji's legs off and stuffing them down his throat. But if Asuka thought the abandoned beer was freakish, she was in for one rude awakening in a few minutes.

For what lay inside the apartment was considerably more sinister.

---

Back a ways, Shinji stumbled down the streets of the city after his father gave him a gruelling, three hour lesson on the Birds and the Bees and whatever the hell else he believed Shinji was doing wrong in life.

Only a certain Orthopedic Spinal Adjustment Brace kept Shinji alive.

Nonetheless, his confidence had taken a severe blow. Women passing by him appeared ominous and threatening for a short while; though they soon appeared less scary, Shinji was not certain he could ever look at the fairer sex the way he used to again.

_No, __they __aren't _that _bad..._he told himself, and he remembered his recent victory over an especially terrifying offender of the opposite gender that morning . _Yes, __they __can __be __cowed...__like __Asuka __was today! __Men __shouldn't __be __afraid __of __women...__Women __should __be __afraid __of __men! __Especially __when __that __man __is __me __with __a __powerful __backbone...!_

Alas, the young Ikari's spinal brace was not quite what it used to be. A couple of the needles had popped out and Shinji's posture had already began to slump forward to its original arc, as a result. Naturally, the teenager had not yet realized this so he was able to restore his confidence somewhat, though not all the way to its previous zenith.

The sun had set and darkness consumed the evening by the time Shinji arrived home. Boxes that he did not have enough light to identify had been pushed away from the door, and this raised Shinji's alarm.

_...Misato __keeps __her __trash __inside __the __house...__not __outside __it._

Warning sirens went off, telling him not to step in, but a persuasive sensation called hunger convinced Shinji to go ahead anyways.

What he stepped into was not his apartment.

For one thing, it was way too clean. The carpets had been steam cleaned, the linoleum swept and mopped. Fresh paint gave the walls a new life, and no clothes or other trash littered the place. Every counter had been dusted, all the dishes washed _and _put away, and a peculiar (but nice) odour akin to lemon wafted from the bathroom. Most noticeably, Misato had not passed out on the couch in a drunken stupor as was her evening ritual.

...What?

Speaking of Misato, she was currently hugging Shinji, squeezing the life out of him. He wasn't sure, but Shinji thought he heard a popping sound from his lower back.

"Thank goodness, you're not dead!" squealed Misato, not a trace of liquor evident in her breath.

Some sort of mind-boggling transformation had occurred.

"No, I'm not...though I wish I was," snidely remarked Shinji, remembering the _talk_ his father just gave him.

The woman embracing him backed off at those words. Shinji was surprised to see her sending him a disturbingly intense stare. It seemed like she was preparing to give him a rehearsed speech, but Shinji had to be imagining that.

But she was. "Shinji," Misato grabbed his shoulders, "listen to me: you-do-not-wish-to-die. Death is not the solution of problems, only the cause of them. It only causes other to suffer the grief you may be feeling yourself. Killing yourself kills happiness! Just look at me; I used to believe I could drown my sorrow with alcohol. But a special woman taught me today that the only way to get rid of the pain is to confront it, and that I could only do that with the help of others. The same can be said for your suicidal tendencies, Shinji! Share your problems with me, and exceed yourself like I did! Please...Shinji! Seek the light and banish the darkness! Look forward to tomorrow! Live!"

All Shinji could do in this situation was nod his head. He had no idea why Misato believed he wanted to do himself in and angrily thought, _Asuka's __the __one __that __slit __her __wrists before! __Talk __to __her, _but he was convinced Misato would kill him if he couldn't adequately appease her by telling her his suicidal problems.

Unfortunately, Shinji couldn't think of any problems that made him want to commit suicide because he did not want to commit suicide.

"Uh...Well, I...uh..."

"Shinji!" the zeal in Misato's eyes was most frightening, "Do not run away. Tell me what's wrong so I can listen without judging! Make yourself feel better! Do not let despair finish you off!"

"...Uh, um...where's Asuka?" Shinji tried changing the subject in desperation.

"In her room. She got mad at me after I told her not to wear such revealing clothes," replied Misato, unhappy with her female charge. For a second, Shinji thought his plan worked. "But I won't let you go in there and convince Asuka to kill you, either! Why...?" Misato started shaking Shinji violently while tearing up. "Why, Shinji?! Why do you want to die so badly?!"

"I don't want to die!" screamed Shinji, mainly because he was afraid Misato was going to kill him. "I want to live! Please, let me go!"

And Misato gasped in happiness, and her tears of sorrow transmuted into droplets of jubilation. She had just saved a life and it made her ecstatic.

"Shinji...Shinji..." she wept, "I am so happy for you!"

"Ah...good."

"Good? It's great!" corrected Misato with an easy smile, her waterworks slowing down now.

"Uh, right," agreed Shinji, careful not to set off his guardian again.

"Darn right I am!" Weird, she didn't swear. Then, she glanced at her watch and yelped in surprise. "Oh no, look at the time! It's past nine, I need to get to bed. See you _very_ early tomorrow morning, Shinji. Tee hee!"

"...Good night."

Amazingly, Misato headed towards her bedroom after that, stopping only to roar "Good night!" through Asuka's door. Minutes later, loud snores rumbled from Misato's bedroom.

A shocked Shinji witnessed all this, but he still couldn't believe it. He must have been in some sort of crazy alternate reality where people can become polar opposite in a single day, much as he knew nobody could undergo such a reversal.

Then, a black furball nudged against his leg, causing the Third Child to look down.

"Pen Pen!" he exclaimed. The poor animal was criminally clean, not a single feather out of place. "Oh, what did _she_ do to you?!"

"Wark."

Shinji had no idea what that meant, but it couldn't have been good.

"Here, I'll get you a beer. That'll cheer you up!"

"Wark! Wark!"

For some reason, this inflamed the warm-water penguin. Shinji soon discovered the why; there was no beer in the fridge to give the angry pet. Well, Shinji gave up on that plan and headed to the couch to watch some TV (cautious not to get anything dirty). The conversation with Misato ruined his appetite.

"So, she's gone now," observed a woman not long after Shinji began to get into a game show.

Asuka.

"Yeah," concurred the Third Child.

"Good. We have unfinished business, you and I," stated the Second Child.

_Humph, __so __I __have __to __deal __with __the __repercussions __of __the __Bento __Incident __at __last. _Shinji had finally noticed his spinal brace was not what it used to be after realizing sitting on the couch was very uncomfortable, but he figured he had enough left to deal with Asuka. The fiery German redhead didn't look too bad next to his father or the monster that Misato had recently become.

"Like what?" Shinji would act coy.

"That doesn't matter, Shinji. I just don't like you and that's reason enough."

That smarted. It was one thing to have suspicions that Asuka hated him, but hearing her say it was infinitely worse. Maybe confronting her was not a good idea.

"Yeah, w-well," Shinji tried talking big but the experiments' results were negative, "Ayanami likes me, so there!"

Actually, Rei no longer liked Shinji since his weird behaviour at lunchtime positively freaked her out. But this is irrelevant in comparison to the effect this statement had on Asuka's already furious disposition.

"That's it, Third!" shrieked Asuka. Miraculously, Misato was not awakened by this. "I'm going to kill you!"

_Uh...__bring __it __on!_ Shinji's internal words were much louder than the squeaky yapping sound that came out of his throat.

Though Shinji expected some anger from Asuka, he was not prepared for the real thing. Second thoughts and anxieties occupied his mind now. _Did __it __really __have __to __come __to __this? __Is __it all __that __bad __for __me __to __make __an __extra __bento? __What __if__-_

While he pondered the benefits of pacifism and treating others as you would yourself, Asuka wasted no time kicking Shinji in the chest, sending him and several needles that were embedded in his back flying.

He landed painfully to the floor that was actually cleaner close up than it looked from a distance, and Asuka proceeded to stomp over him. What Shinji did not know was that Asuka used barely any of her strength, but he was too much of a wimp to understand how tender this beating was.

To him, he was in hell. Quickly, his will and the Orthopedic Spinal Adjustment Brace crumbled to dust.

"Stop! S-stop" begged the young man, "no more! Ow, I was wrong! Y-you're right! I should have made that bento for you! Ahh! You're breaking my back! Can't we just...oof!..just hold hands or something nice?!"

---

Asuka stopped dead in her tracks (which were all over Shinji) at those words.

"Do you...mean that, Shinji?" her voice fluttered.

"Yes! Anything, just stop!" pathetically cried Shinji, who hadn't yet realized Asuka _had_ stopped.

_Of course, there's no way I want to hold his..._Asuka blushed at the notion..._or have him give me _a...her face got even redder..._but he's just being so sweet now! _Asuka thought, but then recalled a problem.

"You're not going to go off and get Rei to hold your hand right away, are you?!" snapped Asuka. No one else should be allowed to hold his hand, in her opinion. If she could not have his entire hand to herself, she didn't want it at all.

"No! I won't, I swear! Please, just stop beating on me from now on!" pleaded the poor excuse for a boy.

And Asuka suddenly felt incredibly guilty for making him this way. Now that she had convinced Shinji not to let anyone besides herself touch him, she no longer felt the hatred for him she had a minute ago.

"Ah, I'll help you up!"

Of course, this moment of kindness was just a brief lapse in Asuka's judgement.

---

"Heh heh heh."

Inside an ordinary Laundromat, a high-pitched giggle escaped from a dark-haired adolescent's lips. He must have done something quite naughty to produce such a laugh.

"Oh, Asuka, I wonder how much you will like it when you discover that the colors of all your clothes are slightly lighter than they should be?"

Yes, this disturbed individual had used a touch more bleach than he should have for such dark clothes. As a result, none of the fabric being washed would live a full lifespan.

A week had passed since Shinji's spinal brace had been obliterated, but he had managed to keep a tiny fragment of the contraption. It gave him courage to do misdeeds like adding excessive amounts of bleach to a load of Asuka's laundry, as well as "forgetting" to buy a few of her favorite foods at the grocery store every other visit...but not too many of her favorites.

She may have had him under his thumb once more, but Shinji was determined not to let her completely rule over him and get him under her second thumb, too.

Because he had a tiny piece of backbone that defended him.

"Shinji, hurry up so you can buy me some ice cream!" hollered a familiar voice.

"Sorry!" he called back out to her.

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop doing that, you idiot!"

"Sorry!"

"Argh!"

Ha, take that.

Another thing, why did Asuka keep on dragging him out like this? Ever since she beat him up that day, she'd been forcing him to go everywhere with her. Shopping, eating, whatever took her fancy. And she kept on insisting that he hold her hand, too.

Like, what was up with her?

_Really..._he bemoaned..._I'm so pathetic._

---

The End...or just the Beginning?

---

Well, that was quite fun to write. For anyone who's interested, there actually is a company known as the Takeda Pharmaceutical Corporation, though I'm positive they (or anyone else) do not sell Orthopedic Spinal Adjustment Braces. I strongly advise anyone who read this not to attempt buying one, because that thing was scary.

Lastly, I hope people enjoyed this, in spite of characters being out of character. Any person acting out of place in the story was done purely for satirical purposes, I can assure you.

Later.


End file.
